Sex and Stomas

Sex and stomas. Not two things you’d typically put together. Or really talk about. But hey, people with stomas like to have sex too. And it’s an important and vital part to any healthy relationship. So, if you’re living with a stoma and this has been a roadblock for you, hopefully this article can help you move from a place of apprehension to a place of satisfaction. (Pun kind of intended.) 

Before you dive back into having sex though, you first need to have a serious talk with your doctor. You need to make sure your body has healed to the point where you won’t be causing any harm to yourself. Everyone heals differently, so this must be a conversation that happens with your doctor prior to engaging in any sexual intercourse. The other person that should be included in these talks is your partner. You may have had a life altering surgery, but remember in many ways, this is life altering for them as well. Both of you will have to adjust to a new normal, and that can’t happen without communication. After all, communication, like sex, is a cornerstone to any healthy relationship.

 

Once those talks have happened and you both are on the same page for moving forward and bringing physical intimacy back into the relationship, it might also be beneficial to have a conversation about how things may be a little different. Instead of the same old same old, you can find ways to bring new excitement to the bedroom by maybe not being in the bedroom at all. Instead, maybe starting off in a place such as the shower can provide a safe way of reengaging each other sexually, without having to worry about the pouch right off the bat. However, exploring and understanding the pouch together will one of the best ways you can move forward. 

 

Also, a sense of humor will be vital to your relationship moving forward. After all, you’re going to be getting busy with a pouch, and sometimes it can make noises. So, it’s best to not be embarrassed and learn to embrace the funny. This will also be helpful when trying to make sure the pouch doesn’t get in the way. Maybe invest in some lingerie that will help hold the pouch in place, or crotchless panties that can do the same. Hey, it may be different, but it can still be sexy. Also, you can purchase pouches that are smaller and more discreet and less likely to run interference when approaching the goal line. But the most important part is that both you and your partner feel sexy and desirable. Otherwise, it could be difficult to bring this part of the relationship back. 

 

The best thing you can do is take your time. Let go of any expectations or timelines and realize that, at least in the beginning, spontaneity may not be your ally. But as time goes on, and the more comfortable you and your partner become with your new normal, you’ll find ways to relight the fire that brought you together in the first place. Just be patient, communicate clearly, don’t leave anything on the table (including feelings), and learn to embrace this new journey together. And if you both are committed to each other, my guess is you’ll have a lot of fun along the way.