Hooping in the Hoosier state with a stoma

March Madness is here and it makes me understand that I grew up in a Hoosier state for sure.  The love of sports and basketball is born into you here.  I must say that sports can come in all shapes and sizes.  But there are some complications and things that come into play when you have a stoma.  These complications are in some ways way overblown and I think that the reality is that those with a stoma are able to participate in the vast majority of midwest sports at a very high level.  I just want to go over a few sports that I have been in and yes my stoma has joined me for them all.  No one should lose hope about being active or having fun outside just because they got a stoma.

Basketball is my jam.  I play it all the time.   This is not simply a sport, but a lifestyle in my part of the country.  I love playing basketball and have done so ever since I was a young child.  It is literally something that you grow up with.  Now my Ostomy came into my life as a young adult.  This means that I went through my 20's with a stoma and was still very active in basketball.  It was something that took me a while to jump back into if I am being totally honest.  I was really afraid of having gear failures and seals stop working when I was on the court.  Fears are real and this was one for me.

My being able to work on new gear at home really helped me. I got lots of different ostomy bags in different sizes and with different shaped seals.  It took me a while to first be able to actively move safely after surgery.  But once I started to build up my muscles again I got into shooting around in my driveway.  After months of playing mostly alone, I finally started to venture out into the real world.  I started very slow and now am back to playing full-court games at my local gym.  Stoma covers and small bags with a belt have been my go-to for a long time.

Believe it or not, though I am actually also a huge hunter.  his is a diehard sport in many families and it can be rather physical.  The idea of deer dragging seemed nearly impossible after my surgery. I feared I would never be outside in the woods hunting with my family ever again.  But my work actually playing basketball and going to the gym ended up building up enough strength for me to feel confident.  I had to be able to climb up deer stand ladders with my ostomy equipment and know that I won't have any issues. That is key. 

Hunting has to do with smell and an osotmy bag worried me at first. But there are some great pills you can take and also some anti-odor drops for the ostomy bags themselves that cut down on all the smells. So these sports are totally doable with a stoma and I know you can be just fine too.  So learn all you can, don't be afraid to fail, and have a blast outdoors no matter what your sport is.

Sex and Stomas

Sex and stomas. Not two things you’d typically put together. Or really talk about. But hey, people with stomas like to have sex too. And it’s an important and vital part to any healthy relationship. So, if you’re living with a stoma and this has been a roadblock for you, hopefully this article can help you move from a place of apprehension to a place of satisfaction. (Pun kind of intended.) 

Before you dive back into having sex though, you first need to have a serious talk with your doctor. You need to make sure your body has healed to the point where you won’t be causing any harm to yourself. Everyone heals differently, so this must be a conversation that happens with your doctor prior to engaging in any sexual intercourse. The other person that should be included in these talks is your partner. You may have had a life altering surgery, but remember in many ways, this is life altering for them as well. Both of you will have to adjust to a new normal, and that can’t happen without communication. After all, communication, like sex, is a cornerstone to any healthy relationship.

 

Once those talks have happened and you both are on the same page for moving forward and bringing physical intimacy back into the relationship, it might also be beneficial to have a conversation about how things may be a little different. Instead of the same old same old, you can find ways to bring new excitement to the bedroom by maybe not being in the bedroom at all. Instead, maybe starting off in a place such as the shower can provide a safe way of reengaging each other sexually, without having to worry about the pouch right off the bat. However, exploring and understanding the pouch together will one of the best ways you can move forward. 

 

Also, a sense of humor will be vital to your relationship moving forward. After all, you’re going to be getting busy with a pouch, and sometimes it can make noises. So, it’s best to not be embarrassed and learn to embrace the funny. This will also be helpful when trying to make sure the pouch doesn’t get in the way. Maybe invest in some lingerie that will help hold the pouch in place, or crotchless panties that can do the same. Hey, it may be different, but it can still be sexy. Also, you can purchase pouches that are smaller and more discreet and less likely to run interference when approaching the goal line. But the most important part is that both you and your partner feel sexy and desirable. Otherwise, it could be difficult to bring this part of the relationship back. 

 

The best thing you can do is take your time. Let go of any expectations or timelines and realize that, at least in the beginning, spontaneity may not be your ally. But as time goes on, and the more comfortable you and your partner become with your new normal, you’ll find ways to relight the fire that brought you together in the first place. Just be patient, communicate clearly, don’t leave anything on the table (including feelings), and learn to embrace this new journey together. And if you both are committed to each other, my guess is you’ll have a lot of fun along the way.